I Am Home-Free

An excerpt.

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We write to live life twice,

in the moment and

in retrospect.

~  Anaïs Nin

‘I am Home Free’ is about the last ten years of my nomadic life on the road without a home base or a phone as I succumbed to my gypsy urges.  It is partly a spiritual journey that began after my mother died of cancer and I went to Fire Island in NY to grieve her death and where I also worked on the first of my Attic fairytale episodes.  It is also a healing journey since I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years after she passed and I searched for alternative methods of healing wherever I travelled.  Yet it is mostly about my strong desire for adventure and learn from observing a variety of cultures and to enjoy being (funemployed). 

I have crisscrossed continents starting in BC, Canada, first staying in NYC and Fire Island for a few months and then traveling and living in Costa Rica, India, Thailand, and Mexico with extended visa runs to Panama, Laos, Cambodia and Malaysia.  The months somehow cumulated into ten venturesome years.

At the beginning of my quest for well being I saw Shamanic healers and looked into my family lineage and past lives for answers as I explored alternative modalities of healing.  I went on a raw food diet and chose to be celibate through part of this journey and found this heightened my clarity and psychic ability.  In Costa Rica I visited medicine men, bush doctors, psychics, witches and received ozone therapy.

During my six month India pilgrimage, which was a life long dream, I met with people I remember from past lives and I witnessed my guru turn into a deity.  Here I sought out healers and Seers, Astrologers, took Ayurvedic treatment and ozone therapy.  All this in a country of superlatives being the loudest, the noisiest, the smelliest and the most textured and colorful country I have ever been to. 

Yet in my heart is where I found the answers.  I began writing a book about my India adventure called ‘My Treasured Chest,’ since I realized that it was my heart that needed nurturing and to be honoured plus my pilgrimage was like a chest full of precious treasures that I continued to discover.   

In every country I visited, I tapped into different healing modalities and most recently experienced incredible Ayahuasca journeys in Mexico.  I also came across charlatans, quacks and doctors that lost their license in their home countries for a variety of controversial or unethical reasons and relocated to places that gave them more leniency and a new identity. 

I have learned to follow my instincts, understand and honour my intuition and sixth sense, and to use my street smarts to avoid any potential danger and call upon my fierceness if there is.  This is after many trials and tribulations during my years of travel.  Yet I also ignore my wise inner voice and stray from my spiritual path as I indulge in hedonistic temptation, addiction and other mortal pleasures and pains.  I am equally drawn to bad asses, addicts, outlaws, misfits, bohemians, rebels, underground artists and International spies. I often find myself on a teeter tatter between spirituality and debauchery – both of which perpetually intrigue me and I have yet to find balance. 

Living the life of a female gypsy is not always easy.  I lived in the jungle with scorpions and poisonous snakes and meditated and slept in a cave with bats and crawling things.  I got bit by a poisonous spider in Costa Rica.  I developed a herniated disc in Malaysia and kept travelling for months with a heavy packsack while in excruciating pain.  I smashed my finger open and had stitches in Thailand.  I questioned the scruples of a shady Swami running a tantric yoga centre in Thailand. I have been coerced and cajoled by unholy holy men and I experienced 7 different acts of inappropriate lewd behavior in India.  The last time I was in Thailand, I was robbed and I chased the bandits full speed and flipped my motorbike on a hairpin corner and earned myself a Thai tattoo – major road rash, yet my unhelmeted head was fortunately still attached.    I thank Buddha that I made it one piece.  So no, it was not always easy or fun . . . but worth it? 

Hell yeh!

I admire you

To Live in the state of so I die

Or so I don’t

And with great clear eyes

And consciousness and awareness

And still meeting juicy guys

– Alma, Oct 22, 2015





© 2018 Estate of Kat Kosiancic